What To Do About Sibling Rivalry?

It’s a familiar tale: mom and dad have a beautiful baby girl or boy and form a nice, small, happy family. The child is perfectly happy playing the role of the little princess/prince and everything is just perfect… until baby #2 comes around. All of a sudden, the first child is no longer the center of attention. More often than not, this leads to tantrums, sulking and rather desperate attempts to reclaim mom and dad’s focus.

All that jealousy, unfortunately, often leads to strong negative feelings against the new sibling. Toddlers have been known resentfully demand that mom and dad “send the new baby back.”

So what can parents do to successfully integrate a new addition into their pre-existing family structure?

Is your first child acting out more, either by showing off or by deliberately getting into trouble? Do they tease or try to provoke the baby? Do they make a fuss whenever guests are over to see the newborn? Don’t dismiss these early signs. Instead, be aware of what’s going on and try to deal with it sooner rather than later.

If your firstborn is over three, the chances are that they may listen to reason. Explain that you are spending lots of time with the new baby right now because new babies need some extra help. Remind them that they also needed lots of extra attention when they were little, and that you are only giving their sibling the same. Emphasize that you love both of your children equally and that the baby is not your new “favorite.”

One of the best ways to make your older child like their new sibling is to make them feel partially responsible. Remind them that they’re the more grown-up kid here and that you need their help. Ask them to help play with the baby sometimes, or, if they’re old enough, to hold him/her. It will make your child feel important and special rather than ignored.

“When you have a new baby, lots of people will give you baby-related gifts,” says Sarah, a mother of two. “They’re just trying to be nice, of course, but it was hard for our daughter to watch her new baby brother getting all sorts of presents. To keep things even, we usually tried to give our daughter something each time the baby got a new outfit or toy. They weren’t big presents, but they helped keep things even.”

Difficult as it may be to find any extra time, it’s important to still do one on one activities with your first child. This helps reassure them that they will not always have to share mom and dad’s attention. To make this easier, have one parent stay with the baby while the other one does a fun activity (go out for ice cream, head to the pool, go to the park) that the first child likes.

Try taking a walk in Lumphini when it’s cool or spending time together as a family. Even if the baby cannot actively participate in many things, it’s important to get your child used to the idea of you doing things together as a family.

Photo Credit: Emery Co Photo via Compfight cc